Oluwakorede Asuni

Public speaker ko? Public Speaker ni! A satire

by Oluwakorede Asuni on Friday, 15 October 2010 at 09:01
Original posted to facebook

I am a public speaker. Yes ke, a motivational speaker.

I love to speak and motivate, so it is the clear and direct career option for me.

Haba, I require nothing but the idea to change the world and an energy to pursue it on the stage.

I understand crowd dynamics. See punctuating my sentences with rhymes + gesticulation (sometimes I somersault in mid sentence) = Crowd uproar!

And success per presentation? the volume of applause that follows me as I leave the stage!

Gba be!

I need no degree or any work experience except those I gathered before the mirror.

Me? I no fit join the labour market and as I no get any skill pass to talk, I will make it a public speaking a career.

What does it matter, if all I say are pure theories I read in books? Who cares if even me myself, have not put into practice some of these theories? And cannot even point at any working model of the things I talk about!?

All that matters o jare is to be able to blow grammar, add some rhymes and I am in the market.

Omo, I sha no dey steal? Na talk I dey talk!

And above all else, the industry is a multi-million dollar industry like the consulting and even the petroleum industries.

See, once I get a bit popular, I will write a book – ‘become rich while you sleep and have no work’ – take it along to speaking engagement and make it an additional source of income beyond the gatefees! This na cocoa farm without the labour and resilience of a cocoa farmer o!

Peeps, there is no life – yes, easy life –  besides that of a motivational speaker!

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Sincerely, I am miffed by the increasing volume of jobless people branding themselves public speakers/motivational speakers (apologies to sincere peddlers of these trades). They spin impractical theories and churn practical stupidities, which leads nowhere.

A simple request, get a life and stop leading astray the young and impressionable who seeks to make sense of all the chaos surrounding him/her!

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